Many people today are concerned about bullying and abuse!
This is my story and my understanding of bullying, where it came from in my life and how I work with it today. Sometimes we need to understand situations from a different perspective in order to work with it! It was previously published on this blog and I have become aware of the importance of republishing it today!
All day I had fleeting thoughts of what I needed to say about Bullying and the guides just kept reminding me to read my own book…I certainly have many chapters to write of this one. First thing to say is that until you have been bullied and abused, it certainly is difficult to understand the affect it has on you. Once again at a young age my guides entered into my life to teach me oh so very much about bullying from both sides, that of being the bullied and also being the bully. Amazingly those learnings have stuck with me throughout my life and have allowed me to walk into and work in area’s that are very difficult for some to even imagine. I remember being very young and being placed on the pedestal of being a sweet young curly headed girl who was being groomed to fit into a very lopsided society. At that time parental abuse and put downs were an acceptable means of raising children, however, in todays terms that is bullying and I certainly know how that affects ones life. Bullying by a parent is one of the toughest forms of abuse to go through, however, many of us have lived through it. From all of this bullying in my younger years I learned that those who love me bully and abuse me, so therefore, simply LOVE = PAIN and HURT so I struggled for many years with a backwards love language. If you really love me, you will hurt me…..In that anytime I tried to love myself it meant that I needed to hurt myself. Is it any wonder that physical, mental, emotional abuse became my love language? Of course not. The more I was bullied and abused, the more I felt loved! I remember learning to stand up to my abusers and my goodness where that led me to was mind blowing. I remember becoming the bully and abuser when a partner reached out to grab me for a weekly beating, and I in turn grabbed his arm, threw him over the back of a couch and stood over him with my fist in the air and stated that if he ever touched me in that way again I would have him put in jail without blinking an eye! He never did bully me again, and he left my life rapidly, because he did not want to be bullied by me! This went on with many relationships and people, in order for me to learn to walk forward in life knowing that I was loved, safe and protected inside of me and if anyone was going to abuse and bully me it would be me! I have mastered beating up on myself in this lifetime. So instead of others doing it to me to feel loved, self abuse and self bullying became the name of my game. When I said that the best defence was a strong offence, this is what I meant! When I graduated to working with bullies in the Young Offender System and The Prison System, I could sure understand where they were coming from, as well as understanding the pure paralyzing fear that occurs when you are the one being bullied. The sad thing that I know today is that both the bully and the bullied are coming from the same dysfunctional place and both of them have that same negative and backwards love language firmly ingrained in them from those who have bullied them under the guise of love! As a parent today, I am very cautious how I speak to my children and any child I am around. It is not uncommon to hear me using their negative love language to make sure that they feel accepted and cared about. Today I will need to deal with my Foster Son using very explicit negative love language that may include things like hey dummy what the F—k do you think you are doing in order for him to understand how much I love him. He in return will reply with hey you old bag, what do you think I am doing and we know that our love is secure, real for us, and totally misunderstood by others. We talk about where we have come from…..the bullying we have inflicted on others in the sake of self preservation, and the bullying that we have experienced Mentally, Physically, Emotionally and Spiritually in our lives that makes us who we are today. Human Beings who are loved in strange ways, but learning growing and being really who we are! I believe I mentioned I had a lot to say on bullying and believe it or not I have only just begun! I know this is a safe place to express myself and be understood from all polarities and perspectives. Peace, love (not backwards), light and blessings to all who have been where I have been and who may still be there today. We are not perfect, we are human!