This was meditation! Finally the day of the mediation course for me to find my enlightenment was to begin so I entered into a group of total strangers, sat on the floor in the most uncomfortable of positions and I was ready to begin. I grabbed a pillow to cushion my aching body after having spent endless hours during the day working at a desk. I then began by following the instructions to place my body into a contorted position that was totally out of reach for the average human being, let alone me who was somewhat heavy and out of shape. With legs crossed, hands facing palms up resting on my lap, uttering totally foreign sounds to clear my mind, my brain was screaming “ouch” because my body hurt, but I fearlessly moved forward, because enlightenment was my goal. The physical pain and discomfort of my body I believed to be only a minute part of my being, so my brain kicked in and told me not to worry. I believed that I needed to have physical discipline and be in shape. After all, this is a side benefit of the enlightenment process. Wow, not only will I become the enlightened person I am seeking, I will be physically fit at the same time! What more could I ask for?
As I was sitting uncomfortably in this position ready to begin the trip to my true self, my inner being, my thighs began to ache, but I needed to ignore the aching thighs, how could my mind be clear when my body was aching like this? So I proceeded by giving myself the direction that in order to be enlightened I would just need to put aside the discomfort and it would go away. Sure enough within a short period of time my thighs had no feeling left, they were totally numb and I couldn’t think of a more appropriate time to shut off my mind and be still and silent. I entered the void briefly! The more that I attempted to shut off the little messages that were flowing through my brain the more that I was thinking “How on earth am I going to be able to stand up when this is done………but I persevered. Finally after I analyzed my families needs, the grocery list, the things that I forgot or didn’t have time to do during the day, got past the embarrassment hearing the foreign sounds that were coming from me, I looked around the room and noticed that I was not the only one whose body was jumping and vibrating because the nerves had shut down in my thighs. Then. just briefly, I caught a fleeting glimpse of the stillness of my mind.………………….I had arrived! With this recognition, panic set in……… this was foreign and being a creative person, I began to create other things to occupy my still mind, because I just was not used to this foreign place. My body then decided that this position was the ideal position to allow the gases that had been building in my system over the past 12 hours with an escape route. This began with my stomach gurgling, my fingers twitching, and my mind tuning into the messages and signals that my body was sending me. My brain informed me that within moments the gas building up would erupt and the room would no longer be still, but everyone may be running for cover. I justified that enlightened beings could cope with a little gas, and during the time I was still attempting to get to the silence of my mind. I even prayed for the escaping gas to erupt without a sound. The gurgles begin to move lower, and the moment of knowing was about to escape. Would it be silent and smelly or would it be loud without a scent. At this time embarrassment set in, and I become aware of a back-up plan that snuck into my not so still mind. I tensed up, concentrated on not letting the eruption escape and become more aware of the total numbness that was now encompassing my physical being. Finally the gas escaped, quietly creating a smelly vapor that permeated at least a five foot radius. My thoughts begin to justify the event……the other people were unconscious, would not notice, after all their minds were still Wrong!!! I searched the room and notice nostrils flaring, individuals shifting to escape the quiet but deadly escaping gas, but they were all pretending that the erupting gas was not affecting them. After all they found the stillness of their minds……Right!
Finally the group was finished and it was time to stand up. Fear rushed in as I attempted to unfold my contorted body, while I was hoping that the released gases had not clung to my clothing. I stood up, stretched the muscles in my arms, legs sniffing and as I had hoped the gas no longer lingered. I then smiled innocently at those around me who were opening their eyes, made eye contact with them, nodded in approval, talked about how wonderful my brief encounter with the still mind was and quickly left knowing that the ordeal was over. As I left the building questions continued to formulate in my brain, and I intuitively knew that meditation may be the road of enlightenment for some, but I knew it was definitely not the road for me. I left the building laughing loudly as people walked by in their enlightened state, I felt much lighter physically knowing that when you have gas it will pass. I never returned to the meditation class.
So it was back to research on the road to enlightenment. Many years have evolved since my search for my enlightenment through meditation began and many experiences have brought me back to the memory of this meditation class for enlightened beings. I knew that some day this experience would provide me with insights that would allow me to access necessary information to assist me on my journey to enlightenment.
What I learned from this experience is:
- Watch what I eat before I attend a meditation class.
- Each life experience is useful for learning what I do and don’t want in my life.
- Laughter can move me forward.
- It’s O.K. to laugh at myself.
- You can find enlightenment in the strangest places.
- From every thought I create an experience.
- Don’t discount meditation because of gas.
- When I want something and my intent is clear, I will create it.
The meditation experience did not work for me, my expectations were of a serene, comfortable, calm and loving space where my physical body would not create such havoc with my mental, physical, emotional and spiritual movement forward.
(An excerpt from our book ‘MY AWAKENING JOURNAL, A JOURNEY TO ENLIGHTENMENT)
So it was back to the drawing board and moving onto the next step which would lead me forward to enlightenment without feeling all of the stress from the gas that had to pass.
Peace, love, light and blessings